Reviews

Crossbar

Claymore Crime Pays! LP

You know those stories you read in the papers? The ones about people who wake up after a traumatic incident and they speak in an accent they’ve never had before? Seems rare, right? Well, I can only assume that matey who sings in CLAYMORE has had this happen to him, because there is no earthly reason why anyone would pick to sound like this—every new syllable reveals new wonders as they are approached and attacked in untold and unpredictable ways. One minute it sounds like TOM WAITS doing a prank call as a British person, the next like Tim Armstrong being startled by a cold toilet seat. Truly, genuinely unbelievable. If the music wasn’t so by-the-books and unremarkable it might make this record interesting. However, it isn’t, so it’s not.

Dinos Boys Holy War / Don’t Mind 7″

Atlanta punks DINOS BOYS’ 2022 single “Holy War” / “Don’t Mind” gets the vinyl treatment on Crossbar and boy, what a treat! Two straight-outta-’77 tracks that bring to mind any number of CBGBs mainstays. Both sides are super catchy, but  A-side “Holy War” is truly an earworm, with a chorus that will be rattling around inside your head for days and an outro that would make the RAMONES bop their heads in approval. Side B is a cover of obscure Japanese power poppers the RAYDIOS’ “Don’t Mind,” and while I can’t speak on the original, this version is like Stiv Bators fronting the HEARTBREAKERS (those guitars!). Highly recommended!

Himnos / La Cruz split LP

Both of these bands appeared on Crossbar’s excellent Oi! The Antidote compilation from 2021. Although neither of their contributions were among my favorites, I was looking forward to hearing what each would deliver on this split long-player. Hailing from Mexico, HIMNOS belts out five cuts of mid-paced street rock’n’roll. All the elements are present—tough, raspy sing-alongs, bouncing bass, four-chord guitars—but I’m left with the feeling that something is missing. There were a few surprises along the way. I wasn’t expecting to hear the whine of a harmonica in “419” for example, but that’s not the type of surprise I would ever champion. On the flipside, we have Spain’s LA CRUZ. Listening to this left me with the same basic impression that I got from HIMNOS: nothing is technically missing, yet something is missing. Again, we have some competent Oi! that meets but does not exceed expectations. LA CRUZ’s curveball is the saxophone that turns up on the rocksteady-inspired “Recuerdos.” Sorry (not sorry), but wind instruments get you nowhere with me. Despite it all, I’ll be watching out for both of these bands in the future. There’s obvious potential, this just falls a bit short.

Oil! Unify Unity / Don’t Forget Me Mate 7″

This one was a fuck of a surprise! I had thought these hard-working lads folded up and stored their Sta-Prest long ago. Upon receiving it, I reached out to former OIL! member Private Skick, now in Australia, for further comment. “Aw, that’s Corporal Boots (lead voxist) carrying on the name with a new lineup and an umlaut(?!)”. Well I guess he dropped the famed German metal accent for this release, but picked up some stellar guests including Phil Templars and Johnny Peebucks for further vocal duties. Sure there’s no “Proud of My Pride,” “Spent My Paycheck at the Pub,” or “Red, White and Boots” here, but this still has the magic and tongue-in-shaven-cheek humor that’s their trademark. “Unify Unity” is the anthem we all need right now to shake off the plague and get back to work, and “Don’t Forget Me Mates” is the new “Built Up, Knocked Down” ballad of the year. So go to the closet, dust off your boots, and give this a whirl. I wonder if they can still do push-ups on stage? Gimme ten, gents.

Oil! The Glory of Honour LP reissue

Not funny enough to be a good joke, not good enough to be taken seriously. Bollocks then, bollocks now. What a waste of plastic to repress this to vinyl when it could have been made into something useful, like a Happy Meal toy or a petrol station football.

Electric Frankenstein / Savage Beat split EP

Each band gives us one original and one cover on this split effort. SAVAGE BEAT covers the TUFF DARTS, while ELECTRIC FRANKENSTEIN covers the RUBINOOS. Those cover selections tell you a lot about the influences going on here, both in terms of musical style and also in terms of eras. Both bands are drawn to the late ’70s rock’n’roll version of punk. This isn’t good or bad, it just is. Both bands deliver music that is mid-tempo and catchy. In that way, they are very similar. I’d say the SAVAGE BEAT vocals remind me of the DICTATORS, while the ELECTRIC FRANKENSTEIN tracks tend to employ a little more lead guitar. Good stuff.

Crown Court / The Enforcers split 7″

Courtesy of Crossbar Records, we have a premium slab of close-shave rock’n’roll, featuring one track each by two of the best in the game. CROWN COURT lands a heavy blow with “Rich Boy,” which exhibits a particularly gnarly bass line. The guitar leads are tastefully employed, unlike the subject of the song’s derisive lyrics. Grab a mop ‘cause this is dripping with attitude. Speaking of attitude, the ENFORCERS sound genuinely pissed! From the moment the vocals kick in, “Collision Course” is full-bore street rock designed to pound your sorry ass into the pavement. Burly as hell and exquisitely executed, this song is that perfect blend of toughness and tunefulness. Great split!

The High Stride Something to Explain EP

I appreciate a band that has its own sound and doesn’t want to be pigeonholed into one particular genre. I don’t always like them, but I appreciate what they’re trying to do. In this case, I actually do like the band, despite the fact that they borrow from genres that I’m not typically drawn to. At its core, this is rock’n’roll. But it’s delivered at a quick enough tempo that leaves most rock music in the dust. It’s got a bluesy element that I normally wouldn’t like. When I hear a harmonica, I typically run for the doors. But this one is different for some reason. It’s also got a certain ’60s feel to it, without sounding like it’s from the ’60s. This is definitely worth checking out.

Wired Up A Little Somethin’ EP

I’ve always had a fondness for daft yobbo music; the harder end of glam, the sort of garish dopey nonsense for people like yours truly that consider Noddy Holder as sort of totemic figure in their life. “Take your brain out” tunes. So I was encouraged to see a release from a band called WIRED UP, clearly taking inspiration from the HECTOR classic. The opening promised so much, swaggering hard glam being the name of the game, but like so much contemporary bootboy-adjacent music, the vocals emulated a cartoon bullfrog and immediately cast me into an existential crisis for the next 45 minutes. Lyrically, it isn’t much better, with one tune in particular focussing on that noirest of bêtes for skinheads, People Who Aren’t Proper Skinheads. Which is all well and good, except that I heard a presumably grown adult using the word “cosplay” and immediately turned the fucking thing off for good. Still, nice to hear a BRONSKI BEAT mention in 2023.